Following the comments in the weekends press from Arsenal Manager Arsene Wenger, a behind close doors meeting was called tonight by the board of directors.
In a drive to cut down costs at Arsenal the board of directors called an emergency meeting tonight that lasted 3 hours at a West London Hotel,we can Exclusively reveal the outcome through an unnamed source. Arsenal will no longer be forced to sell star players like Emmanuel Adebayor & Cesc Fàbregas, Manager Arsene Wenger will now be given an unlimited budget to bring any player he wants to the club this summer in order to bring the silverware back to the club who have not won anything since the FA Cup in 2005.
Our source told us that the meeting was very heated and a unnamed member of the board threatened to sell his shares to a unnamed Russian businessmen unless the cash was made available to the Manager (Arsene Wenger)
We can now expose the unbearable steps the board of directors have taken to free up the cash. Chairman PH Wood will now give up his £250 aweek Cuban Cigar habit and will now only smoke the cheapest golden virginia self rolling tobacco. The club will now be serving Lambrini & peanuts in its executive boxes instead of champagne & caviar. Arsenal will no longer be using the Marriott Hotel and have signed a 3 year deal with budget firm Etap. The club will also bring out a 5th away kit this season which is estimated to make £5m costing the fans £50 a pop, It is understood to be the Green and Blue kit that was worn in 1982. The coach that takes the players to and from away games costing £95,000 a year will now be replaced with buses and trains, Every player will receive an Oyster card from the 1st August 2008. The Arsenal accountant estimated these cutbacks should save Arsenal millions over the next 17 years.
More to come when our source has sobered up…
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July 6, 2008 at 9:43 pm |
is there actually bin a meeting
July 6, 2008 at 9:44 pm |
ARE U WINDING US UP OR WHAT M8
July 6, 2008 at 9:46 pm |
HAHAHAHA ! i lyk the bit about oyster cards, can imagine fabregas takin the underground to my area to play west ham !!!!!
But seriously the previous bit about the meeting n arrangements, is it true ? if it is its reassuring
July 6, 2008 at 9:46 pm |
has there been a meeting or u just high on the ome grown???
July 6, 2008 at 9:48 pm |
Goonbrother…………………take a deep breath and relax.
July 6, 2008 at 9:48 pm |
Is this a joke?
July 6, 2008 at 9:49 pm |
LOL dis is all bullshit
July 6, 2008 at 9:49 pm |
if u got nothing to say, say nothing because this was about as funny as a funeral.
Paraphrasing an old quote – better to stay silent and be thought of as a fool, than to open your mouth and confirm it!
July 6, 2008 at 9:49 pm |
hahaha ok Elbow am relaxed as can be just wonderin bout the meeting…hhahaha
July 6, 2008 at 9:51 pm |
Dont be so bloody stupid.No meeting has taken place!The boss only has to ask and he can have who he wants.
July 6, 2008 at 9:51 pm |
its a piece of satire guys
July 6, 2008 at 9:51 pm |
now av read it again its feking hilarious, i just saw ‘exclusive meeting’ and skimed thru it hahahaha
July 6, 2008 at 9:52 pm |
Yes theeere wazz a meeetinngg *hic
July 6, 2008 at 9:53 pm |
It’s not April Fools yet.
July 6, 2008 at 9:54 pm |
fed up of these stupid comedy articles, leave it to Arseblog!
July 6, 2008 at 10:00 pm |
Woeful
July 6, 2008 at 10:08 pm |
U GOT ME U BASTARDS…………..i was all excited aswell (until the last paragraph) -_-
July 6, 2008 at 10:19 pm |
At first I was taking this post seriously. Im glad you see the funny side because I cant. We have become a joke and mabey you might find it funny but with the way im feeling right now over the way Wenger and the bunch of vultures that run our club have destroyed what Arsenal used to stand for, I can only treat your attempted joke with the contempt it deserves.
July 6, 2008 at 10:22 pm |
Fantastic, I neeed a laugh after all the doom around the club. Thanks for that. Up the Arsenal
July 6, 2008 at 10:23 pm |
Paulie,suicide might be the answer to ur problems.
July 6, 2008 at 10:23 pm |
Anything for hits, eh?
July 6, 2008 at 10:24 pm |
This is sick…but funny…but twisted !!!
July 6, 2008 at 10:30 pm |
Yeah Paulie, what a tosser Wenger is for destroying our club. I can’t believe we’ve had such a useless dick as manager for so many years.
Imbecile.
July 6, 2008 at 10:32 pm |
Wenger is just playing mind games with other teams. IF teams think we have loads of money then they will over charge us for players. Wenger knows
July 6, 2008 at 10:32 pm |
I agree with Paulie. This post is utterly stupid and unnecessary. With all those unsettling sagas involving Nasri, Ade, Helb and others, true gooners don’t need this kind of satire. We have become a laughing stock and this post just further confirmed it.
Or are you a spud in disguise?
July 6, 2008 at 10:35 pm |
I don’t wanna seem like a fucking retard now, but I honestly believed it, until halfway through.. At a moment of time like this, it’s fookin uncool to write this shit
July 6, 2008 at 10:36 pm |
George lighten up FFS, If anything this has helped.
July 6, 2008 at 10:37 pm |
Ola join the club mate, it got me 2 but now i cant stop laughing about it. Funny as f@ck
July 6, 2008 at 10:42 pm |
Can i just say that golden virginia is pretty good (;8)
July 6, 2008 at 10:44 pm |
Tommy gun you are as easily amused as fooled. I dont normally respond to clowns but see can you laugh as long at the fact that you’re a complete twat. I know I can.
July 6, 2008 at 10:47 pm |
When was the last time you had sex? I think you are in need or a good bunk up.
Or maybe try some crack? it might make you feel better x
July 6, 2008 at 10:47 pm |
TommyGun: I appreciate your optimism, but it has been a depressing summer for gooners (other than the signing of Ramsey)… on top of the frustrating last season. The only thing that can cheer me up is the confirmation of Nasri’s as well as at least one quality player’s signing.
July 6, 2008 at 10:51 pm |
I rest my case. L8r.
July 6, 2008 at 11:00 pm |
This is the best and probably most accurate article that I’ve read all week. Fairplay!!! To everyone who holds this article in contempt – Arsenal FC does its talking on the pitch. If you want to react to all the propaganda and “news” reports that go on off the pitch, maybe you should A: Get a life, B: find something else to do with your time than look for “News” that just doesn’t exist & C: Shout out loud “YIIIIDDDDDOOOOOHHHHH!!!”
July 6, 2008 at 11:04 pm |
Huntster, Well said that man…
July 6, 2008 at 11:09 pm |
You guys are a bunch of frikkin idiots – it’s blindingly obvious to a numbskull with even a shrivelled pea brain that this article is just a piss take of the “why haven’t we signed all the best players on the planet, well at least the ones in Championship Manager” brigade who want mega-bucks signings NOW. Well, that & AW’s reported, and I stress the word “reported”, comments this weekend.
Jeez, grow up. I mean, I know most of you are spotty oiks & that, but read between the lines folks. Ber-limey – I’ll bet ever sp*rs fans get this.
July 6, 2008 at 11:10 pm |
Oh, and it was funny too.
July 6, 2008 at 11:21 pm |
WENGER OUT! BENITEZ IN!
July 7, 2008 at 12:15 am |
Errrr.,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,.no thanks.
July 7, 2008 at 12:53 am |
cunt benitez..all liverpool fans must go and eat the horriblest shite
July 7, 2008 at 1:57 am |
A Mourinhoesque attempt to grab attention. Grow up.
July 7, 2008 at 2:10 am |
There’s a story circulating among the elite that the Sky, The Sun and BBC somehow all got together and hired 8 highly trained private eyes in a desperate attempt to get “any” information on Wengers transfer targets. The search finaly produced a result when Wenger’s secret diary was found under his chair in the dugout at the Amirates. To a naked eye it looked empty so they treated the pages with some chemicals and heat. It paid off. As it turned out, he was using sweet milk to write his memuars. Most of it was in french, so they still don’t know what it says, but, on last page there was a phrase: “To buy or not to buy? To sell or not to sell?” On the bottom of the page was a reminder note: “Toss the coin two hours before transfer deadline expires.”
My only hope is that he doesn’t use a coin with identical sides, like Alexander the Great.
July 7, 2008 at 2:41 am |
Good one there.. the oyster bit is brilliant!
July 7, 2008 at 4:48 am |
sounds like a load of bullshit
July 7, 2008 at 5:42 am |
Maybe those bleating about this “not being funny”, and “we are a laughing stock”, might stop to consider that in actual fact, the idiots taking this seriously and displaying a complete lack of a sense of humour are more of a reason for supporters from other clubs to consider us a laughing stock than our manager, players, team, results, transfer activities etc.
If you find it funny, fine, if you don’t, then say nothing.
The chirp about keeping quiet and letting people think you’re stupid rather than opening your mouth and leaving people in no doubt applies more to the person who made the chirp in this instance and his/her ilk, than anyone else.
July 7, 2008 at 6:30 am |
Omg get over yourself people! This article is EXACTLY what the bullshit interview from the Lies Of The World deserved, it’s ripping the piss out of it, and anyone that doesn’t realise that is probably a lilywhite. There is no way Wenger would a) reveal exclusives to the LOTW, or b) paint the club in such a negative light at the very time he is trying to get players to come here. Wake up!
July 7, 2008 at 8:35 am |
Is it me or are Paulie and George a pair of cunts.
Fucking hilarious post.
July 7, 2008 at 9:18 am |
Despite the tens of thousands of words written since Aaron Ramsey joined has there been any Arsenal news to report of is all hearsay bullshit and.. er, ’satire’?
July 7, 2008 at 9:36 am |
Hello. I enjoyed reading your website.
Have a wonderful day and keep up the good work.
Brutellio.
July 7, 2008 at 10:23 am |
who the fuck cares!!! its an article written for peoples amusement, either find it funny or don’t. why should anyone then be able to tell others not to find it funny if they do? humour is subjective you morons.
while i understand the frustration at the board and player-situations this summer (and found the article more smile-inducing than laugh-out-loud hilarious), let people have a laugh!
its a nice try to make everything less serious, because you keep refreshing news-now and react to ever story about who we’re going to lose, and who we’re not going to sign then you’re going to have a goddamn embolism.
chill the fuck out!
July 7, 2008 at 11:27 am |
I agree with every the article says! its definitely true! i want to find the source and buy him / her a beer so we can discuss things further.
July 7, 2008 at 11:57 am |
LOL. (click,sizzle,inhale,exhale, float.) “FOYs!”
July 7, 2008 at 1:35 pm |
hi it profs arsenal tight arsess
July 7, 2008 at 1:42 pm |
I can’t believe that are people actually asking if this is a joke or not!!!??? cuban cigars, oyster cards, 5th away kit… have some people got no sense of humour? Jesus, some poeple DO need to calm down this summer and get a sense of perspective or someones going to die of silly-season-tranfer-gossip-related-stress-disorder just like arseblogger said
very funny btw
July 7, 2008 at 4:56 pm |
Most of you lot are Muppets!!!! The author is merely seeking to put a light-hearted slant on what is a depressing story. Chill-out!!!!
And to those saying that Arsene has ruined our club, what can I say major league Muppets – go back to Tottenham.
July 7, 2008 at 5:10 pm |
All very amusing.
A man placed a huge, huge bet. He didn’t have the cash to back it up and he lost the bet. He was killed by his debtors along with his young family as the local organised criminal gang burned him alive in his family home. He placed a bet he couldn’t afford…this happens more often than some might think.
This is what many Arsenal fans want of Arsenal. They want us to spend money we cannot rightly call ours, risking the long term prosperity for short term reward simply because they weak themselves.
The media, the idiot fans and those who in suits who push for glory at all costs are our enemy. Those whose interests they claim are Arsenal’s are clearly those of their own. Their bruised egos, their inferiority complexes, their fragile sensibilities and their juvenile, stunted attention span made worse by an infant appreciation of patience.
They seekto kill my club. A cleansing is desirable. They have invaded our club and seek to usurp the real fan and replace him and his ideals with the ideology of the fool and the integrity of the child molesting babysitter.
July 7, 2008 at 8:40 pm |
Harry Barracuda (08:35:58) :
No-it’s not just you!
July 7, 2008 at 9:55 pm |
funny mate
July 8, 2008 at 12:19 pm |
Jam – rock on!!!!
You have reinstated my belief in the existence of Arsenal fans with intelligence. Go forth and preach to the imbeciles.