Exclusive,Arsenal board of directors call emergency meeting tonight

Following the comments in the weekends press from Arsenal Manager Arsene Wenger, a behind close doors meeting was called tonight by the board of directors.

In a drive to cut down costs at Arsenal the board of directors called an emergency meeting tonight that lasted 3 hours at a West London Hotel,we can Exclusively reveal the outcome through an unnamed source. Arsenal will no longer be forced to sell star players like Emmanuel Adebayor & Cesc Fàbregas, Manager Arsene Wenger will now be given an unlimited budget to bring any player he wants to the club this summer in order to bring the silverware back to the club who have not won anything since the FA Cup in 2005.

Our source told us that the meeting was very heated and a unnamed member of the board threatened to sell his shares to a unnamed Russian businessmen unless the cash was made available to the Manager (Arsene Wenger)

We can now expose the unbearable steps the board of directors have taken to free up the cash. Chairman PH Wood will now give up his £250 aweek Cuban Cigar habit and will now only smoke the cheapest golden virginia self rolling tobacco. The club will now be serving Lambrini & peanuts in its executive boxes instead of champagne & caviar. Arsenal will no longer be using the Marriott Hotel and have signed a 3 year deal with budget firm Etap. The club will also bring out a 5th away kit this season which is estimated to make £5m costing the fans £50 a pop, It is understood to be the Green and Blue kit that was worn in 1982. The coach that takes the players to and from away games costing £95,000 a year will now be replaced with buses and trains, Every player will receive an Oyster card from the 1st August 2008. The Arsenal accountant estimated these cutbacks should save Arsenal millions over the next 17 years.

More to come when our source has sobered up…

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59 Responses to Exclusive,Arsenal board of directors call emergency meeting tonight

  1. Goonbrother says:

    is there actually bin a meeting

  2. P TOWN WE GOT TAZERZ,SAVING UP TO BY GUNZ WITH INFRARED LAZERZ says:

    ARE U WINDING US UP OR WHAT M8

  3. AGoonered says:

    HAHAHAHA ! i lyk the bit about oyster cards, can imagine fabregas takin the underground to my area to play west ham !!!!!

    But seriously the previous bit about the meeting n arrangements, is it true ? if it is its reassuring

  4. Goonbrother says:

    has there been a meeting or u just high on the ome grown???

  5. Elbow says:

    Goonbrother…………………take a deep breath and relax.

  6. alex says:

    Is this a joke?

  7. Wajdi says:

    LOL dis is all bullshit

  8. Jake says:

    if u got nothing to say, say nothing because this was about as funny as a funeral.

    Paraphrasing an old quote – better to stay silent and be thought of as a fool, than to open your mouth and confirm it!

  9. Goonbrother says:

    hahaha ok Elbow am relaxed as can be just wonderin bout the meeting…hhahaha

  10. Sean says:

    Dont be so bloody stupid.No meeting has taken place!The boss only has to ask and he can have who he wants.

  11. triplec1988 says:

    its a piece of satire guys

  12. Goonbrother says:

    now av read it again its feking hilarious, i just saw ‘exclusive meeting’ and skimed thru it hahahaha

  13. The Source says:

    Yes theeere wazz a meeetinngg *hic

  14. Paddy from Sweden says:

    It’s not April Fools yet. 😉

  15. djalmina says:

    fed up of these stupid comedy articles, leave it to Arseblog!

  16. John says:

    Woeful

  17. TREZE13 says:

    U GOT ME U BASTARDS…………..i was all excited aswell (until the last paragraph) -_-

  18. Paulie says:

    At first I was taking this post seriously. Im glad you see the funny side because I cant. We have become a joke and mabey you might find it funny but with the way im feeling right now over the way Wenger and the bunch of vultures that run our club have destroyed what Arsenal used to stand for, I can only treat your attempted joke with the contempt it deserves.

  19. TommyGun says:

    Fantastic, I neeed a laugh after all the doom around the club. Thanks for that. Up the Arsenal

  20. TommyGun says:

    Paulie,suicide might be the answer to ur problems.

  21. johsn says:

    Anything for hits, eh?

  22. King of north london says:

    This is sick…but funny…but twisted !!!

  23. Meehog says:

    Yeah Paulie, what a tosser Wenger is for destroying our club. I can’t believe we’ve had such a useless dick as manager for so many years.

    Imbecile.

  24. TommyGun says:

    Wenger is just playing mind games with other teams. IF teams think we have loads of money then they will over charge us for players. Wenger knows

  25. George says:

    I agree with Paulie. This post is utterly stupid and unnecessary. With all those unsettling sagas involving Nasri, Ade, Helb and others, true gooners don’t need this kind of satire. We have become a laughing stock and this post just further confirmed it.

    Or are you a spud in disguise?

  26. Ola says:

    I don’t wanna seem like a fucking retard now, but I honestly believed it, until halfway through.. At a moment of time like this, it’s fookin uncool to write this shit 😀

  27. TommyGun says:

    George lighten up FFS, If anything this has helped.

  28. TommyGun says:

    Ola join the club mate, it got me 2 but now i cant stop laughing about it. Funny as f@ck

  29. TommyGun says:

    Can i just say that golden virginia is pretty good (;8)

  30. Paulie says:

    Tommy gun you are as easily amused as fooled. I dont normally respond to clowns but see can you laugh as long at the fact that you’re a complete twat. I know I can.

  31. TommyGun says:

    When was the last time you had sex? I think you are in need or a good bunk up.
    Or maybe try some crack? it might make you feel better x

  32. George says:

    TommyGun: I appreciate your optimism, but it has been a depressing summer for gooners (other than the signing of Ramsey)… on top of the frustrating last season. The only thing that can cheer me up is the confirmation of Nasri’s as well as at least one quality player’s signing.

  33. Paulie says:

    I rest my case. L8r.

  34. Huntster says:

    This is the best and probably most accurate article that I’ve read all week. Fairplay!!! To everyone who holds this article in contempt – Arsenal FC does its talking on the pitch. If you want to react to all the propaganda and “news” reports that go on off the pitch, maybe you should A: Get a life, B: find something else to do with your time than look for “News” that just doesn’t exist & C: Shout out loud “YIIIIDDDDDOOOOOHHHHH!!!”

  35. TommyGun says:

    Huntster, Well said that man…

  36. Austin says:

    You guys are a bunch of frikkin idiots – it’s blindingly obvious to a numbskull with even a shrivelled pea brain that this article is just a piss take of the “why haven’t we signed all the best players on the planet, well at least the ones in Championship Manager” brigade who want mega-bucks signings NOW. Well, that & AW’s reported, and I stress the word “reported”, comments this weekend.

    Jeez, grow up. I mean, I know most of you are spotty oiks & that, but read between the lines folks. Ber-limey – I’ll bet ever sp*rs fans get this.

  37. Austin says:

    Oh, and it was funny too.

  38. M says:

    WENGER OUT! BENITEZ IN!

  39. Austin says:

    Errrr.,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,.no thanks.

  40. Mojo says:

    cunt benitez..all liverpool fans must go and eat the horriblest shite

  41. akm says:

    A Mourinhoesque attempt to grab attention. Grow up.

  42. Boris Godunov says:

    There’s a story circulating among the elite that the Sky, The Sun and BBC somehow all got together and hired 8 highly trained private eyes in a desperate attempt to get “any” information on Wengers transfer targets. The search finaly produced a result when Wenger’s secret diary was found under his chair in the dugout at the Amirates. To a naked eye it looked empty so they treated the pages with some chemicals and heat. It paid off. As it turned out, he was using sweet milk to write his memuars. Most of it was in french, so they still don’t know what it says, but, on last page there was a phrase: “To buy or not to buy? To sell or not to sell?” On the bottom of the page was a reminder note: “Toss the coin two hours before transfer deadline expires.”
    My only hope is that he doesn’t use a coin with identical sides, like Alexander the Great.

  43. Gooni says:

    Good one there.. the oyster bit is brilliant!

  44. adfsdfasdf says:

    sounds like a load of bullshit

  45. Mike says:

    Maybe those bleating about this “not being funny”, and “we are a laughing stock”, might stop to consider that in actual fact, the idiots taking this seriously and displaying a complete lack of a sense of humour are more of a reason for supporters from other clubs to consider us a laughing stock than our manager, players, team, results, transfer activities etc.

    If you find it funny, fine, if you don’t, then say nothing.

    The chirp about keeping quiet and letting people think you’re stupid rather than opening your mouth and leaving people in no doubt applies more to the person who made the chirp in this instance and his/her ilk, than anyone else.

  46. seb says:

    Omg get over yourself people! This article is EXACTLY what the bullshit interview from the Lies Of The World deserved, it’s ripping the piss out of it, and anyone that doesn’t realise that is probably a lilywhite. There is no way Wenger would a) reveal exclusives to the LOTW, or b) paint the club in such a negative light at the very time he is trying to get players to come here. Wake up!

  47. Harry Barracuda says:

    Is it me or are Paulie and George a pair of cunts.

    Fucking hilarious post.

  48. Timus says:

    Despite the tens of thousands of words written since Aaron Ramsey joined has there been any Arsenal news to report of is all hearsay bullshit and.. er, ‘satire’?

  49. Brutellio says:

    Hello. I enjoyed reading your website.
    Have a wonderful day and keep up the good work.
    Brutellio.

  50. greeno says:

    who the fuck cares!!! its an article written for peoples amusement, either find it funny or don’t. why should anyone then be able to tell others not to find it funny if they do? humour is subjective you morons.

    while i understand the frustration at the board and player-situations this summer (and found the article more smile-inducing than laugh-out-loud hilarious), let people have a laugh!

    its a nice try to make everything less serious, because you keep refreshing news-now and react to ever story about who we’re going to lose, and who we’re not going to sign then you’re going to have a goddamn embolism.

    chill the fuck out!

  51. ben says:

    I agree with every the article says! its definitely true! i want to find the source and buy him / her a beer so we can discuss things further.

  52. Gooner Ali says:

    LOL. (click,sizzle,inhale,exhale, float.) “FOYs!”

  53. peter says:

    hi it profs arsenal tight arsess

  54. Tom says:

    I can’t believe that are people actually asking if this is a joke or not!!!??? cuban cigars, oyster cards, 5th away kit… have some people got no sense of humour? Jesus, some poeple DO need to calm down this summer and get a sense of perspective or someones going to die of silly-season-tranfer-gossip-related-stress-disorder just like arseblogger said

    very funny btw

  55. TheIntelligentOne says:

    Most of you lot are Muppets!!!! The author is merely seeking to put a light-hearted slant on what is a depressing story. Chill-out!!!!

    And to those saying that Arsene has ruined our club, what can I say major league Muppets – go back to Tottenham.

  56. Jam says:

    All very amusing.

    A man placed a huge, huge bet. He didn’t have the cash to back it up and he lost the bet. He was killed by his debtors along with his young family as the local organised criminal gang burned him alive in his family home. He placed a bet he couldn’t afford…this happens more often than some might think.

    This is what many Arsenal fans want of Arsenal. They want us to spend money we cannot rightly call ours, risking the long term prosperity for short term reward simply because they weak themselves.

    The media, the idiot fans and those who in suits who push for glory at all costs are our enemy. Those whose interests they claim are Arsenal’s are clearly those of their own. Their bruised egos, their inferiority complexes, their fragile sensibilities and their juvenile, stunted attention span made worse by an infant appreciation of patience.

    They seekto kill my club. A cleansing is desirable. They have invaded our club and seek to usurp the real fan and replace him and his ideals with the ideology of the fool and the integrity of the child molesting babysitter.

  57. Righty says:

    Harry Barracuda (08:35:58) :

    No-it’s not just you!

  58. TheIntelligentOne says:

    Jam – rock on!!!!

    You have reinstated my belief in the existence of Arsenal fans with intelligence. Go forth and preach to the imbeciles.

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